Sunday Afternoon Tea - Light in the midst of fear and gloom

I came home from grocery shopping last week feeling more like Puddleglum than Pooh Bear.  Honestly, there is a fog of gloom everywhere this season that is truly spiritual in the way it can cause one to become depressed if they aren't already.

Normally the stores are full of people bustling about with a smile on their face, even when they are only shopping for butter and sugar and perhaps a quart of eggnog.  Not this year.  There are few happy faces showing behind the required masks these days.

 I am not a person easily prone to depression but I feel it this year.   It hovers over the land like a fog in an old black and white movie.  In a year when the unexpected has become a way of life, when normal no longer exists, when news is quite often not very good... no wonder the average person is depressed.

I have been battling it the way I know best by pulling out Christmas decorations and filling the house with twinkle lights and candles and the aroma of Mrs. Meyers Pine in the kitchen.  I even decorated the porch this year, which doesn't take long as it only requires placing various silk poinsettias and a thrift store Nativity Scene on the table next to the front door, where the UPS drivers used to place books sent from publishers for review.

I have watched some Christmas movies on television and this week I plan to dust off some favorite Christmas DVDs to enjoy.  I have a few Christmas books stacked on the coffee table as well as the Cozy issue of Bella Grace waiting where magazines reside in a basket next to the sofa.

Really, what I'm doing is placing opportunities for Christmas joy around the house.  It is far easier to prevent the feeling of gloom when one has set up ways to prevent it where one passes daily, perhaps even each hour.  There is music set out for the DVD player and possibilities abound on the Amazon Music app as close as a tap on the tablet.

I've been through this before, albeit not on a world wide pandemic scale.  There have been Christmas seasons when the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate... anything.  But this is not just anything.  Christmas, at its' very core, is about the birth of the Savior coming into the world to take back the keys of the Kingdom from the enemy of our souls.

No wonder so many people cannot believe in Jesus and the Story of Redemption for it is truly beyond any human logic.  Why would God create man, knowing he would choose to sin?  Why would God, from before the foundation of the world, set up a plan for redeeming His creation by coming into the world in human flesh to be born of a virgin only to die a painful death to make a way of restoration back to the Father?

It doesn't make sense... unless.  Someday when our time on this world is over and we go to be with Him... someday when the old ways are cast away and all is made new again... someday His family comes together in perfection and the "dragon" is no longer a threat and He has dried all of our tears... it will all be worth it.

It sounds like a myth, doesn't it?  But as Tokien reminded Lewis that fateful night and the seed of belief blossomed within his friend... there is such a thing as True Myth.  Just because it may seem like a fairy tell does not mean it is not true.

How am I making my way through this difficult time in human history?  As with every difficult season I've gone through, I have an Eternal perspective.  I battle depression with the Light of the Word, remembering that we are just passing through and true feelings of Joy that can only be temporarily felt here... will be with us always in eternity. 

Is it possible to battle the current environment with twinkle lights and sparkle and perhaps the giving of gifts and helping others?  Most definitely!  It will probably look different than in past years and most definitely it will feel different... but it is possible.

Now, I will say here that if that depression is severe and you doubt you can go on, that is when you must seek professional help.  Pray that God will lead you to someone you can talk to who knows how to give you help.  Sometimes a friend is all we need but there are times we need a doctor.

Long time blog readers may remember that my husband has suffered from bipolar depression since the Vietnam war.  He was genetically prone to it even before then but the combined affects of war and Agent Orange made it worse.  He had to go on Disability about sixteen years ago but he has been able to handle the symptoms, with good days and bad days but they were manageable.

Then a few years ago, his symptoms became worse and he developed an alarming personality change.  The family had no idea what was going on until last year he had to be hospitalized at the VA for awhile.  It was through that experience that he found a wonderful VA doctor who was near retirement and had a great deal of experience working with veterans.

To make a very long story short, the doctor came to realize my husband was suffering from PTSD decades after serving in combat.  PTSD symptoms are different than bipolar symptoms for the most part, which is why we could not understand what was going on with his behavior.

The doctor taught me that PTSD showing up like this had to have a trigger and the more we looked back a few years, we realized the personality change happened when he started communicating with Army pals through emails and that brought back long suppressed memories. Through counseling and a new medication, my husband is now much better.  

His original doctor retired last Spring but he now talks to another specialist every two or three months (no in-person meetings due to COVID). It took a professional to recognize the problem and to teach me about what triggers to be aware of that can still bring on PTSD symptoms.  Even something as enjoyable as having gone to the Wall in Washington D.C. during a reunion could have helped trigger symptoms.

I wonder if there will be and perhaps already are multitudes of people who will have to watch for events that will trigger depression, fear, and even panic attacks due to the events of 2020.  It may be that only a trained counselor and/or physician can help you understand what those triggers could be.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made but when the brain needs help, it is no different than someone whose pancreas has stopped functioning correctly needing insulin.  Sometimes our body and our soul need some extra help, especially in times of crisis.

I think the reason I've been able to battle getting too depressed this Christmas (and it is an ongoing battle) is because of difficulties I've gone through in the past and I know God has always brought me through them.  He has been faithful even when I doubted.

Those of us who are followers of Christ and who still are breathing (which I assume, is all of us), will come through the events of 2020 either stronger or needing help to cope with it all.  It takes courage to ask for help and when you have received it and get better, then you will be used by God to help someone else someday.  That is how it works...

By the way, Anne who has blogged at Dewey's Treehouse (link on my sidebar) for a long time sent me a PDF file of her lovely Charlotte Mason inspired Advent book called Honest Simple Souls: An Advent Meditation with Charlotte Mason.  I love it!  

It's available in paperback and on the Kindle for those who want to enjoy it immediately.  Info... here.  I think you would like it even if you didn't homeschool using Charlotte Mason's methods.  I find it enjoyable to read various Advent books in December but I need them this year!

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