Sunday Afternoon Tea

My ponderings this week have been all about following our "bent" or that which we were created to do in this journey we find ourselves on as the planet spends around the sun.  I am not sure why my memories went back to a morning Stephanie and I (and a five year old Christopher) were shopping for art and drafting supplies at one of the university's bookstores before Stephanie entered her Freshman year at the University.

Somehow the conversation with the cashier went to the subject of Stephanie entering as a Dean Scholar and when she was asked what she was majoring in, the clerk spouted off, "What a terrible waste of a mind like yours!".  Sigh... although taken back that a total stranger would say such a thing, we were used to it from friends and family for my daughter was known for being quite brilliant and here she was... studying Interior Design (albeit a very difficult curriculum at the University since it was their pre-architecture course of study, too).

I wasn't surprised that she didn't want to be a brain surgeon or a constitutional lawyer or a nuclear engineer or an anthropologist or anything requiring advanced math and science studies.  For since she was a child she manifested those traits which would draw one to a love of design and creativity... and nothing is wasted when one daily must use their brain and all other God given gifts to be a wife and mother to five.  :)

I am convinced that God loves giving us talent and delights as we start in infancy and continue through all our years to discover and unwrap those gifts which are to be discovered, perhaps early and for others (such as Grandma Moses)... quite late in life.  I am learning more about my late blooming gifts these days.

There are some gifts which I came upon early such as the ability to "think in writing" or should it be "writing what I think"?  Regardless... putting my thoughts to pen and paper (or mouse as the case may be these days) came easily from the day I learned to write my ABC's. 

I have few childhood memories but one is serving my father and mother childish snacks I had prepared (perhaps age six or seven) and the other is planting zinnias with my father.  Now a grandmother, I still love writing and cooking and baking and flowers.  :)

But what about those deep seated, well planted, hidden gifts?  Those which hint at us once in awhile, wink at us as we walk by, and whisper in our ear as we drift off to sleep... in that place Tinker Bell told Peter she would meet him... not quite dreaming but definitely not wide awake.

These are the gifts I've been pondering the most recently, thoughts sparked by numerous goings-on here at home.  This August when Christopher moves out, he does not plan to live at home full time again.  So his room will be transformed into guest room cum creative space for Moi' (those plans still in their infancy).  Ponderings have been taking place all year having to do with my Word of the Year... Create!

But they have also been brought up out of a few days of darkness... those which can come upon me suddenly... sparked by who knows what or why.  Sometimes I can put a finger on the plunge into dark emotions, such as a memory of a hurt or disappointment, or the true "Dark Side" whispering accusations enough to send me over the woe is me cliff.

When dark emotions start to overtake me (for whatever reasons but recently by letting myself ponder too much on what I don't have instead of the much larger truth of what good things I have been given)... I know that true spiritual warfare comes from doing the exact opposite the enemy of my soul is attempting to get me to do.

This week I knew it was time to bring Life instead of Death and Light instead of Darkness into my days... and I must tell you it was a wrestling match in my spirit and soul which equaled anything physically.  There were moments my only prayer was going around the house saying "God Help Me", I felt myself at the edge of that cliff, ready to fall into the pit of self pity.

It was not the will of self which brought me back and planted my feet on firm rock... it was the work done by The Rock of Ages.  For all the self help and positive thinking cannot transform the battle for the mind as the Holy Spirit at work in our lives and the transforming Light of the Word... and doing instead of fretting.

So... I dusted off my much neglected Scrapbook Journal and started pages of a garden diary, tried new recipes, wrote down recipes to try soon, made my first pot of tea for the season from my herb garden's apple mint, made a list of ideas for tweaking the blog, read new-ish garden books and old Victoria magazines, and thinking about sewing projects for when the new space becomes available.

Life returns to a parched soul... doing instead of fretting... embracing the new... not allowing the dead brush of past events or hurts or disappointments or pain to blur into the Hope of Today... enjoying the Treasure Hunt for the hidden and forgotten gifts.