It is good to be back on a Sunday. My heart was here but the rest of me could not make it for the past two weeks. :)
It has been one of those Dark Night of the Soul journeys which had an innocuous beginning (bad cough and swelling of the ears), a trip to the emergency room unable to breath, reactions to various medications, and night upon night of not being able to sleep.
As I propped myself up on the sofa during the night, trying to be still and not wake up the guys (and somewhat jealous of their ability to sleep soundly), I had plenty of time to think and ponder and pray. My emotions ran from fear to frustration and finally... hope.
Holding on to that knowledge that it is not as bad as it was and not as good as it will be. Realizing we have no idea at times what to be thankful for... the ability to sleep, taking a deep breath, cooking dinner, reading, hearing, talking...all simple things I was struggling with at the time (and to a lesser extent... continue with today).
As I have said from long ago, I don't want to waste any trial. I truly believe if God is allowing us to walk a painful (at the time) journey, there are hidden jewels of wisdom and knowledge to be found. Feeling at my worst this time, I had no interest in learning anything. I stomped my feet (at least mentally) and asked Him just what He is trying to do... kill me? While there was no immediate lightening and thunder, we did have tornadoes touch down nearby... perhaps one should refrain from shouting at God??? :)
As the worst was behind me and the bronchitis was clearing in my chest, I only had to deal with the inability to sleep, swollen glands and ears, and challenges in hearing as well as talking... I have begun to deal with the frustrations and grasp at least a nibble of faith.
Just last night, I was able to remind myself this will not last forever. Although I was waking up almost as soon as I fell asleep... as the congestion continued to make breathing difficult at times... there came a peace when I knew it will not go on forever. I can handle life one day (night?) at a time.
It is that same realization that has kept me holding on to faith in times of unemployment, great financial need, less than ideal circumstances, and dealing with a hyperactive little boy... this to shall pass. Struggles may abound on our journey of life but somehow in our humanity, we gain strength as we know this particular trial or temptation will not go on forever... and our faith muscles are strengthened each time we face adversity and come through it without giving up.
Slowly I am already doing a little more cooking again. I've been able to declutter a little as well as run the washer and dryer. I'm not up to reading novels but I have been pulling favorite decorating books off the shelves to peruse and enjoy. The front porch received a half-hearted sweeping and spider web removal... not perfect but good enough.
I know there will come a day (soon) when I will feel well enough to try some new recipes with herbs from the garden, sip a cup of coffee on the deck before the heat of the day (and bugs) take over, read (my eyes hurt), write, talk (assuming my voice returns completely), and attempt various creative projects in the home.
What will I take away from this past month? Never take for granted the ability to do that which is the everyday stuff of life. In comparison, so much of what I complain about in the daily journey (fatigue, strained budget, difficult people, dirty dishes which reproduce on their own) are in fact absolutely nothing to complain about when compared to these past weeks. May I not forget the lessons learned...
In the meantime, I continue to covet your prayers so I can hear and talk and once again sleep in my own bed... breathing easily would be nice, too. (Doctor follow-up visit is Thursday.)
13 comments:
So glad to see you are moving a bit along. I have been concerned for you. There are lessons in everything, aren't there? Praying, Nina
Prayers for your complete recovery, Brenda...long seige you are having. Our little grandchildren cannot seem to get completely rid of their coughs and fevers that have kept coming back since early spring. Never heard of such a thing in my life!! You are not alone in your suffering, though it sounds like you have had a very hard time of it!!
Blessings and rest all you can,
Elizabeth
You are in my heart and prayers as always, Brenfren. Big Hugs
My heart goes out to you. I hope you feel betty soon...
Crystal Lynn
Brenda, I pray you will be completely recovered soon. We have just been through hard times with health issues. I always say "this too shall pass". I told a friend the other day that sometimes something worse comes! I let myself get into a deep "pity party" and had no desire to do anything except what I had to do to keep the home life going. I have always been one to not find enough hours in the day to get done what I want to. This past month or so, I did not find anything interesting. I pulled myself up and got a book to read and some thread to do a project.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Marie
Glad to hear that you are feeling better. I will continue to pray for a full recovery.
God bless,
Lisa :o)
"never take for granted the ability to do the ordinary stuff of life"! Amen. I was sick for 14 months and that ability was gone. Now healed and well for almost 2 months I appreciate everyday and the ability to make the bed or wash the dishes or cook a meal.
I pray God will heal you. He is an awesome God
You have my prayers. I wonder if you might tell God that you are writing about Him and what will the people say if He does not keep His promises? ;> Just a few have done that, haven't they? Keep taking good care of yourself and take all the help that is offered. Gentle hugs and ongoing prayers...
I had this same illness a few years ago. I too thought it would never pass. I had inhalers, meds, sleeping sitting up, craweling on the floor trying to catch my breath, etc. But today I am off inhalers and feeling fine and fit again. At least the illness has passed. I have other health issues but not the breathing troubles. So thankful - I too have a new appreciation for people with asthma etc.
Brenda, so happy to read you are feeling better. This too shall pass were the words my mom always said and lived by. That phrase helps me so much during times of stress and trials. She was a wise woman and I learn that more each day. Praying you will sleep well tonight and tomorrow feel much better. God Bless! Mary
Happy that you are on the mend. Prayers will continue to go up for you. I learn so much from you Brenda. Love!!
Praying and trusting God for you.
Wonderful post there is nothing like a trial to remind one of the priorities of life. You are correct as we look back we can often see that which we were to learn from our trials. I have also found that those around me often learn and grow from my trials. I love your sense of patience and faith. Keep it up I have faith that the Lord loves each and every one of us and wants the best for us and if we just have faith we will benefit from whatever comes our way.
Love and prayers Johnina :^A
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