Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Breath in... breath out... let it go

Hmmm... didn't I have a post title like that before? At least it wasn't about all the extended family drama that has been going on recently. Sigh... everything has seemed to be working out and then Miss Sister-in-law messes it all up again.

She has not only alienated all friends and her brothers but seriously sent all of us over the edge... and her other brother is a professional social worker! I pick it up just by being on the periphery... and not even in the same town.

The brothers finally had to get the police involved when their sister refused to go to either the women's shelter or the hospital when they had set up help for her. They are alerted to where she is staying for now (a shabby hotel) and they are monitoring the house of the friend who made her leave since she still has a key.

Hopefully the end of all of this will be her giving up and going to the hospital for an evaluation and then getting put in to the Lutheran home where she is on a waiting list.

I think of times in my own life (although not quite so dramatic) where I told Someone I was going my own way and could handle my life on my own... thank you very much. Then He let me get to the point where I'm sheepishly coming before the Throne of God and asking him to "fix it". :)

All of this drama also reminded me of Tullian Tchividjian.

Who? Well, I've had a link to his blog almost since CTB&Me started a few years ago. Back when not as many people knew who he was. He's been under the Blogs That Make Me Think category because... he'd always make me think.

He is Billy Graham's grandson whose parents had to throw out of the house and on the streets when he was a teenager. They were heartbroken but feared for the safety of their other children. Now I understand... too much drama.

Oh, yeah... Tullian was recently named the pastor to take over the late D. James Kennedy's famous ministry and large church in Florida after a long search for his replacement. It is an amazing story of redemption as Tchividjian went from a high school dropout who was on drugs to a respected teacher and pastor.

It's somewhat similar to his Uncle Franklin Graham's story of rebellion to redemption. A link to a 2007 interview with Tullian about his prodigal years is.... here. If you know a Prodigal, these two men will give you hope.

As for our own family drama, I know there are times we have to open our hearts and home to help those who are hurting. I'd say most of the time I've been willing to reach out, especially to young people and burned out moms.

But there are also instances when discernment must prevail. Houses have doors for a purpose. There are people we know who can only be helped by letting them hit bottom and get professional help.

I know it surprised my husband when I said absolutely no to his bringing his sister to our house because he was exhausted and only wanted to drive back home right away. However, shortly after that conversation he knew it would not be the wise thing to do so he went about finding her a temporary place to stay.

Poor guy, after the hours and hours he's been on the phone, he is now very happy he's not dealing with her in person. It makes us both glad we "only" have financial and health issues. Neither of us have enjoyed our visit into a soap opera. God gives grace for the day... even for those who must walk this path daily.


hmsclmom said...

Dear Brenda,
You are a wise woman to know your limits and when enough is enough. We also have family members who disrupt and turn our family inside out. We have had to learn to continue to love and pray for them but also not allow them to come in and disrupt our lives with their ongoing drama and at time just plain "ugliness". My prayer is that you SIL will get the help that he so desperately needs and will accept it graciously.


jAne said...

Family drama to the 10th power. I know about that sort of thing...presently. I'm praying for you and yours, Brenda. ((hug))

jAne at tickleberryfarm.blogspot.com

Vee said...

As one who is currently living something of a soap opera, I know how challenging it all can be. Your husband and you have certainly invited the Lord into this one and so we can believe for a good solution. You are so right...homes must have doors and there are limits.

scrappy quilter said...

All I'm going to say is hugs.. I know what it's like to live with a disability such as hers. Having 3 children with disabilities (one autism) it's not an easy road.

Sharon said...

Awesome post Brenda and I know what you mean about family drama.Sigh...This post gives me hope for the prodigals in our lives such as a step-son who is running from God.Thank you Brenda~Sharon

Anonymous said...

Compassion is important in situations like these. "There but for the grace of God go I". You have not told us specifics of her disability but I would hope she doesn't actually have to "hit bottom".

Marianna said...

My prayers for all of you. I hope that your SIL will get the help she needs. I'm assuming your SIL is either addicted or mentally ill (untreated) or both. I feel your pain. Though a little more remote one of my aunts deals with similiar issues with her daughter. Unfortunately, my aunt hasn't figured out how to say 'no' and it has seriously impacted her relationship with the rest of the family. We live in the same town and I won't invite my aunt over because I do not want my cousin to know where I live...for the safety of my own children.

cheri said...

Oh, Brenda.

You are in my prayers.

And I pray that your SIL will surrender to the One Who Heals.

Anonymous said...

We've also had relatives who we have had to keep a large distance from. It is very sad. I am still hoping and praying for a change. Even if our family never gets to witness the change these people deserve to have a better life and I hope they get help and get to live a better life. I would think they would feel miserable. But your comment on houses having doors is so right. For the sanity of our familys, that door has to remain closed for now. If she won't take meds or be tested or whatever is needed you can't make her. You did the right thing for your family and that is all you can do except pray. Your poor husband though must feel so extra upset and sad. Being a man he would want to 'fix' things and cannot do a thing to help unless she lets him. Jody

Mrs.Rabe said...

These are such amazingly difficult things...heartbreaking.

Praying for peace for all of you!