Thursday, August 09, 2007

Sipping coffee and pondering at Panera

I sat in a booth at Panera this morning, waiting for my husband to finish an appointment in comfort this time. He was meeting with his Vocational Rehab person for the last time and her office was only five minutes away from Panera. I enjoyed a Grande' coffee and an orange scone, in the air conditioning, listening to their usual soft jazz in the background... a very good thing.

Of my three favorite coffee shops (Starbucks, Einsteins, and Panera), this one is my favorite for studying and reading. However, I tried to read but a multitude of thoughts and images kept interrupting the words on the page until I finally closed my book and set it aside.

I need time each day to plan and later reflect on the days events. Neither has been possible these past few weeks. Life has been too busy. Today, even if for only an hour, there was time and plenty of coffee. So... I let my mind do some much needed pondering for awhile.

My thoughts drifted back to Wednesday afternoon when I was getting the packages ready to mail at the Post Office. I needed to get the Victoria prize in the mail, a copy of a magazine I had promised Mari Nanci, and a hardback edition of Christy I'd found at the library sale for my forum friend, Em. While taking it off the shelf where I keep items I need to send, I saw the book I'd been promising to send my dear friend in New Mexico since... Christmas!

You see, I always send her a box of books at a time. She lives in the New Mexican desert where it isn't possible to drop by the library so her friends B.B. and I try to send books when we can. I had been waiting to send this particular Jan Karon book until I had the time to go through boxes in the garage to locate others she may enjoy. In the meantime, she has been waiting for this one... patiently.

As I looked at it, I was wondering what was wrong with my thinking. Why did I need to wait to put together a box just because that is what I have always done in the past? Who knows when I will have time to look for other books? So... a copy of Light From Heaven and a book on simple living are now on their way to the Las Cruces area by Media Mail. Sometimes we just have to get out of those ruts!

Thank you for all your comments and e-mails. I normally try to respond to each one but this time there were too many (which can be a good thing!). I felt tears on my face as I was getting ready for bed last night, just missing her so much. The last thing I always did after putting on my nightgown was to call for her. The tears had already started when I noticed I had put my purse on "her" chair, the one she would move to during the night. For just a brief moment, I forgot she was no longer here as I instinctively moved my purse to the chair on the other side of the hutch. Times such as those bring the grief back all over again.

I still find tears falling when I drive near the neighborhood where my mother lived and where my brother and sister-in-law's house was located just around the corner. They have all been in Heaven for many years now, yet their loss is felt as if it were yesterday. Man was not meant to experience death. We hold eternity in our souls.

Once again, thank you. Your prayers and encouragement has been so appreciated. I read every comment and e-mail and hold them to my heart.

Picture: Billy Jacobs, AllPosters.com

9 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Hi Brenda,
I am passing the Nice Matters Award on to you. Please stop over and pick it up from my blog. You are so kind to everyone
Love,
Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

Sweet Brenda, your blog is the most personal one I read and I think of you everyday.
I have my favorite blogs on my desktop so each is just a simple click away. I always go in order from where they are.(There isn't any rhyme or reason to where I put them.)
This morning, however, I wanted to see if you'd written already so I checked here first. Yes you had, yeah!
You are special to so many of us.
But of course you know that!
:)
joanna

Suze said...

I read your blog every day and I always receive something from it - either a blessing from God, or an "aha" moment where I can identify with what you say. The blessing from God that flows through you is SO comforting - I know you can't know how much you through your blog mean to me, but I'm going through a bit of a difficult time, and reading your blog is like putting salve on a wound. And that's the truth. Who knew spiritual gifts could be internet based?

Morning Glory said...

I must echo the sentiments of the previous comments. I always feel so peaceful after reading what you write.

Thank you for such a restful and interesting place to visit.

Barb said...

Brenda,

My heart went out to you when I read about your tears during your bedtime ritual and your missing your beloved S.

Last night my family wept while we said goodbye to our own beloved Tabby, our first family cat, who was with us for over 15 years. He had been failing this last few weeks and we knew it was just a matter of time. I felt grateful that we were there with him at the end. We talked to him and stroked him as the tears flowed. This morning tears are flowing again as I woke up and realized he wouldn't be there meowing for his breakfast.

Thank you for sharing about your loss. It is comforting as I go through my own now.

Lallee said...

Grief takes time, doesn't it? Don't rush it. I am still thinking of you.

I heard we are getting a Paneras in our new shopping center. Restaurants here are few and not great. I am so thrilled with this news!

Hugs,
Lallee

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

Thank you for all the kind words. :)

I knew our kitty was in trouble when she wouldn't come for breakfast. If I slept late, she would be in my face (literally) meowing in my ear that she was starving.

I really like Panera. They have good soups and salads, too. Their scones are delicious. It's cheaper for me to go there than Starbucks because I can get a regular coffee and keep refilling it if necessary (they have great decaf, which I will switch to in afternoon and evening).

smilnsigh said...

Dear Brenda, I'm so sorry that the loss of your dear kitty is still so fresh. -sigh- Wish I could give you a gentle hug and assure you that it will become less. Over time...

"Why did I need to wait to put together a box just because that is what I have always done in the past?"

And I'm so glad you dropped a habit which "you've always done." For one that fits better. What a wonderful accomplishment!!!

And after we have these Ah..hahhhh! moments, don't we wonder why it took us so long to come to this conclusion? I know I do! Just wish I'd have the Ah..hahhh! moments, more often! :-)

Hugs, Mari-Nanci

smilnsigh said...

"I read every comment and e-mail and hold them to my heart."

We all do, Dear. And we all should know that everyone understands, if we can't make a reply, to each and every one. No one can. No matter how much it pains us, to not.

Yes, silly me, it still can pain me, to not get back and comment in each person's blog, who is kind enough to comment in my blog. But I must, must, must learn to conquer this. My back dictates that I do.

And so all will just have to understand.

Hugs, Mari-Nanci