I sat in a booth at Panera this morning, waiting for my husband to finish an appointment in comfort this time. He was meeting with his Vocational Rehab person for the last time and her office was only five minutes away from Panera. I enjoyed a Grande' coffee and an orange scone, in the air conditioning, listening to their usual soft jazz in the background... a very good thing.
Of my three favorite coffee shops (Starbucks, Einsteins, and Panera), this one is my favorite for studying and reading. However, I tried to read but a multitude of thoughts and images kept interrupting the words on the page until I finally closed my book and set it aside.
I need time each day to plan and later reflect on the days events. Neither has been possible these past few weeks. Life has been too busy. Today, even if for only an hour, there was time and plenty of coffee. So... I let my mind do some much needed pondering for awhile.
My thoughts drifted back to Wednesday afternoon when I was getting the packages ready to mail at the Post Office. I needed to get the Victoria prize in the mail, a copy of a magazine I had promised Mari Nanci, and a hardback edition of Christy I'd found at the library sale for my forum friend, Em. While taking it off the shelf where I keep items I need to send, I saw the book I'd been promising to send my dear friend in New Mexico since... Christmas!
You see, I always send her a box of books at a time. She lives in the New Mexican desert where it isn't possible to drop by the library so her friends B.B. and I try to send books when we can. I had been waiting to send this particular Jan Karon book until I had the time to go through boxes in the garage to locate others she may enjoy. In the meantime, she has been waiting for this one... patiently.
As I looked at it, I was wondering what was wrong with my thinking. Why did I need to wait to put together a box just because that is what I have always done in the past? Who knows when I will have time to look for other books? So... a copy of Light From Heaven and a book on simple living are now on their way to the Las Cruces area by Media Mail. Sometimes we just have to get out of those ruts!
Thank you for all your comments and e-mails. I normally try to respond to each one but this time there were too many (which can be a good thing!). I felt tears on my face as I was getting ready for bed last night, just missing her so much. The last thing I always did after putting on my nightgown was to call for her. The tears had already started when I noticed I had put my purse on "her" chair, the one she would move to during the night. For just a brief moment, I forgot she was no longer here as I instinctively moved my purse to the chair on the other side of the hutch. Times such as those bring the grief back all over again.
I still find tears falling when I drive near the neighborhood where my mother lived and where my brother and sister-in-law's house was located just around the corner. They have all been in Heaven for many years now, yet their loss is felt as if it were yesterday. Man was not meant to experience death. We hold eternity in our souls.
Once again, thank you. Your prayers and encouragement has been so appreciated. I read every comment and e-mail and hold them to my heart.
Picture: Billy Jacobs, AllPosters.com