Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Sad but here...

Life is going on and we have already made the decision to call the shelter to bring home a kitty who needs a home.  When I'm ready.  Perhaps next week.  I'm praying for the same thing to happen with another cat that did with Victoria, I took one look at that face and she had my heart.  Love at first sight.

Loss is hard whether it is a pet or a parent or a friend or a spouse or anyone we love.  The affects of the loss are not the same for each but the feelings of grief are there.  I still look for her every morning when I get up, still in a sleepy fog (before my first cup of coffee), and I... forget.

I've made a few temporary changes that help me get through the day.  The lights are left on in various rooms to hold back the darkness a bit.  I'm the one that usually goes around turning off lights to conserve energy.  I've been going out each day the weather is good for coffee.  Which is not in my budget but McDonald's senior coffee is still inexpensive.

Christopher called and offered to take me to lunch yesterday at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho.  Which I had never had before but was absolutely delicious.  He told me about his trip to the conference in San Francisco and being able to stay a couple extra days to see his best friend. The flight out made his pneumonia worse but with advice from the ladies in his life (his wife, sister, and mother)... he had room service bring lots of tea with honey and lemon. Lunch out was a blessing.

Mrs. Christopher stayed with her parents during the time he was in California so Hubby and I fed Mr. Sebastian and gave him a lot of kitty pets.  Victoria passed the last night we took care of Sebastian kitty but she hadn't seemed to mind his scent.  She knew it was his... and he is family.

So I'm playing Christmas music and watching Christmas movies and creating cards and doing what I need to do for the Christmas season.  Just doing all with the pall of sadness and grief and more than a few tears dropping in the sudsy dish water each evening.

Thank you for your well wishes and your prayers.  They are very much appreciated.  I have walked through loss before and I know life goes on.  It is just hard at first, particularly in a season one is expected to be full of joy.  I think everyone will understand when I'm just a little Scrooge-ish this year.

Photo:  One of my favorite Christmas decorations.  This photo was first shown on @coffeeteabooksandme on Instagram.  I purchased the cabin long ago for a fraction of the original price because the flag had broken off the snowman and the porch swing had broken off its' chain.  But a little glue on both made them look just fine.


Anonymous said...

Hugs, Brenda...been there too!!
Elizabeth in WA

Deanna Rabe - Creekside Cottage Blog said...

I remember after our dog Sadie died, I would think about something involving her and then remember that she was gone.

I think we can open our hearts to many pets, because just like with the people we love, we have lots of love to go around. A new kitty will be a blessing to you and to the kitty. The kitty will, of course, NOT be Victoria, but will have its own quirky ways!

Lots of love to you friend!

alana said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and the pain of which you are suffering from at this very sad time. Remember that god is by your side at all times, especially difficult times such as this.
Alana xx

Sandi said...

I like your idea of leaving the lights on.


Nancy said...

I am sure there will be a sweet kitten in need of the love you have to offer waiting for you at the shelter.

Vee said...

It's the suddenness of it minute everything is going along tickety-boo and the next... It's like hitting a wall at 60 mph. It's no wonder that you feel bruised by it. Tears are good and I am so pleased to know that you may be visiting the animal shelter as soon as next week. This seems very healthful. My daughter is quite convinced that I need another cat in my life, but I am equally adamant that I don't. I certainly hope that one doesn't show up in my stocking! =D Sending warm thoughts and saying a prayer for ongoing comfort and one more...that just the right kitty is waiting for you to show up and that you will know when you see her (or him).

skmanning said...

I read a blog post today by a gal who did a special event with her kids the other day and said she faked it for them. She had just gotten bad news about a very close friend who looks like she will succumb to cancer soon. Lots of people posted about the difficulty of grief during the holidays. So many of us dangle between sadness and the desire to enjoy the joy of the Christmas season. It is a good reminder of how so many have hurt in their hearts this time of year. I pray you will know just which is the right cat to bring home and the joy of knowing you are providing a home for one will fill your heart and leave less room for grief. It won't replace your beloved pet but will certainly help you move forward and comfort you with his/her snuggles and company. Blessings to you in spite of the mixed emotions of the Christmas season. Kinda is the way life is in general, right?!

Anonymous said...

I am sure that a sweet kitten will be waiting for your love when you go to the shelter.

Debbie said...

(((((((HUGS)))))) Brenda. You are right, losing our fur babies is a huge loss and one that needs to be mourned because they are family too. I'm sure your Victoria would be happy that you will be giving another kitty their forever home, just like you did for her. I'm so glad your son reached out to you and took you out to lunch. It sounds like it was a much needed and very special time and shows the strong bond you both share with each other. Be blessed Brenda/

Anonymous said...

Dear Brenda,
I'm so sorry you lost a little friend. I know what that feels like.
I learnt that each little friend is so different in personality, challenges and traits that you just can't help loving each for who they are. I cherish memories, and current life! Enjoy your new arrival!
With warm regards,
Rachel Holt

Carol said...

Dear Brenda: Tears with you and am praying for you. (MD)

Anonymous said...

Praying you find another kitty that warmes your heart to comfort you when the time is right.........In the mean time, take care.
Laura C. (WA)

Becky K. said...

I'm sorry for the loss of Victoria. It is one of the hardest things we do on this earth...say goodbye to our pets. They don't judge us. They just love.
I do hope another finds it's way into your heart when the time is just right.

Sherry said...

{{{{{ ♥ }}}}}
i'm so sorry about your precious kitty.
holding you close in thought ...

Thickethouse.wordpress said...

Hugs from Ohio, Brenda! Sending prayers and wishes for comfort and support. Give yourself time to remember and grieve.

Jane said...

I've missed a week or so due to a bad cold/cough so I'm just reading about Victoria. I am so sad about your beautiful girl -- so very sad! Please accept my sincere sympathy in your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you and your husband are going to get another cat. You'll still miss Victoria, but that new one will steal your heart, just like Victoria did. When our dog Lily died, I was so sad, but now I can think of her antics and quirks and laugh.
I didn't want another dog, but as soon as I saw a certain puppy, I was smitten. And now we have two! I hope you get another wonderful kitten asap!


Ann said...

I'm so glad you're going to rescue another fur baby. You were a wonderful "mama" to Victoria and I'm sure she would be happy to see you sharing your love with another kitty. Life does go on as we know but it's still has its hard moments. I lost my oldest son three years ago but we are being blessed this December with my youngest son's first baby -- a little girl due very shortly now. There is always enough love to go around.

PJ Geek said...

hugs<<<<<>>>>>>> I just read your posts. I understand the sadness and the lasting grief. I lost two pets (Yella kitty our cat and Lillie our dog) between Thanksgiving and Christmas 2 years ago. It was a sad, sad season. I still miss my little dog everyday and am still mourning and probably will continue to. We still have her 'sister' who gets lots and lots of love. But Lillie had her place. I have a little pillow that feels the same as she did when she snuggled up to my back, so I snuggle with her in memory.

Within a few days of our cat passing, new neighbors moved in across the street. Their cat Bandit 'moved in ' to our patio / yard the same day. He obviously could smell Yella Kitty, and just hung out at our house all the time soaking up attention and love as we mourned our pets. He officially moved in and is our boy now. His true family moved away again and agreed he was happier with us. Having Bandit there immediately helped ease our mourning for Yella Kitty.

I encourage you to get that new pet ASAP and consider if there are two possibly that are best buds or came from a former owner together. Or consider an older, gentile lady cat who would love some morning snuggles while you sip your coffee by the lights of the Christmas tree. It will help.