Sunday Afternoon Tea

This has been one of those weeks when emotions hovered just below the surface, ready to break through at any moment.  Those thoughts and emotions which were not pleasing to God!

As I wrote my daughter, I was in a "blech" mood.  Little remarks annoyed me, a sink full of dishes caused despair, and even a certain kitty nipped at my hand... probably sensing my disapproval.  I felt jealous of another's success and coveted the lifestyle of an author I was reading.

I... who have stared homelessness in the face without fear and spent days in Intensive Care with firm faith... was now fighting a battle in my mind.

For you see... I had prayed... and I should know by now that such prayers can be on the dangerous side... that I wanted to truly understand what the Psalmist meant as his "soul panteth for God as the deer for water".

I wanted to set aside my Americanized, Western, tired Christian life.  I just didn't feel that overwhelming desire for Him as I read about in biographies of the faithful.  As I'd once felt myself in earlier days.

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when deep, dark emotions started raining down upon my soul.  None of the usual places I run to for comfort could calm the turmoil within. No amount of cooking or reading or watching movies or decorating or perusing beautiful magazines or any such thing could bring a settled heart and mind.

But after awhile... in the midst of the storm clouds... He brought beams of light... ministering to me from various sources.  There was the profound statements made by a Bible teacher, a paragraph read in a Kindle sample of a book I'd requested, an e-mail from a friend, and words from a hymn written long ago but heard now through the itty bitty iPod.

All coming together to provide cold, clear, refreshing nourishment for my spirit, soul... and my mind.

I had asked that I learned to desire Him as one desperately needing cold water in a parched land and that is just what He has done.  By allowing my thoughts and emotions to combine into hurricane force storms, spinning and twisting as they assaulted my mind... I realized the only way back to light was The Light.

For you see, so often we look to everything but Him to bring us joy.  What He did to answer my prayer was to make absolutely nothing bring me peace but... Him.  After trying everything else, I ran to the Source of the pure water and found Peace.

I've lived long enough as a Christian to know when my emotions are unsettled there could be a physical reason behind it... unsettled blood sugar, hormones, caffeine, junk food... anything can bring a foggy brain and jittery nerves.

However, when the symptoms include those emotions which are far from the Fruit of the Spirit*, when I am lacking love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control... then the problem is far more often spiritual than physical. 

They are often a reflection of the health of my soul and how much Light is getting through.  Especially as my mind is assaulted by a seemingly infinite number of images and thoughts each day. 

To enjoy the Fruit of the Spirit He offers... I must seek the Lord and drink the water from the springs of Life in my spiritual dryness... as seriously as that deer runs after water in a drought.

*Galations 5:22, 23 (New King James Version)