Sunday, March 10, 2013

Sunday Afternoon Tea

This has been one of those weeks when emotions hovered just below the surface, ready to break through at any moment.  Those thoughts and emotions which were not pleasing to God!

As I wrote my daughter, I was in a "blech" mood.  Little remarks annoyed me, a sink full of dishes caused despair, and even a certain kitty nipped at my hand... probably sensing my disapproval.  I felt jealous of another's success and coveted the lifestyle of an author I was reading.

I... who have stared homelessness in the face without fear and spent days in Intensive Care with firm faith... was now fighting a battle in my mind.

For you see... I had prayed... and I should know by now that such prayers can be on the dangerous side... that I wanted to truly understand what the Psalmist meant as his "soul panteth for God as the deer for water".

I wanted to set aside my Americanized, Western, tired Christian life.  I just didn't feel that overwhelming desire for Him as I read about in biographies of the faithful.  As I'd once felt myself in earlier days.

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when deep, dark emotions started raining down upon my soul.  None of the usual places I run to for comfort could calm the turmoil within. No amount of cooking or reading or watching movies or decorating or perusing beautiful magazines or any such thing could bring a settled heart and mind.

But after awhile... in the midst of the storm clouds... He brought beams of light... ministering to me from various sources.  There was the profound statements made by a Bible teacher, a paragraph read in a Kindle sample of a book I'd requested, an e-mail from a friend, and words from a hymn written long ago but heard now through the itty bitty iPod.

All coming together to provide cold, clear, refreshing nourishment for my spirit, soul... and my mind.

I had asked that I learned to desire Him as one desperately needing cold water in a parched land and that is just what He has done.  By allowing my thoughts and emotions to combine into hurricane force storms, spinning and twisting as they assaulted my mind... I realized the only way back to light was The Light.

For you see, so often we look to everything but Him to bring us joy.  What He did to answer my prayer was to make absolutely nothing bring me peace but... Him.  After trying everything else, I ran to the Source of the pure water and found Peace.

I've lived long enough as a Christian to know when my emotions are unsettled there could be a physical reason behind it... unsettled blood sugar, hormones, caffeine, junk food... anything can bring a foggy brain and jittery nerves.

However, when the symptoms include those emotions which are far from the Fruit of the Spirit*, when I am lacking love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control... then the problem is far more often spiritual than physical. 

They are often a reflection of the health of my soul and how much Light is getting through.  Especially as my mind is assaulted by a seemingly infinite number of images and thoughts each day. 

To enjoy the Fruit of the Spirit He offers... I must seek the Lord and drink the water from the springs of Life in my spiritual dryness... as seriously as that deer runs after water in a drought.

*Galations 5:22, 23 (New King James Version)


Denise said...

Oh yes,I have been there.Just to hear about it is so scary to Me.I am glad your spirit is in a good place now.I would love to have one of My daughters read this post.She seems to be drowning at times in that scary place.You have a beautiful gift of words.Hugs Denise

TeresaAngelina said...

My our good Lord Jesus bless you in your struggle!

Keri said...

Oh, those dangerous prayers... I've stopped myself from finishing quite a few of them recently for fear of the results....

I'm glad the Lord is bringing you through to the other side of your mental and emotional malaise. He is so faithful.

rebecca said...

I WANT to comment but haven't "worked myself" out of a similar state of mind just yet to say anything real positive. It's not the first time I've been here and probably won't be the last.

I've sort of thought of these periods of time as natural longings for Heaven. This world is NOT home.

Maureen said...

You have made us for Thyself ... our hearts are restless till they rest in Thee. St. Augustine.

Thanks for reminding us, Brenda!

Little Birdie Blessings said...

This is beautifully done and refreshing to read your honesty. I'm curious to know the hymn that brought you comfort. ~ Abby

Vee said...

Have experienced this just a time or two...we all have if we're honest. Thank you for sharing how to look for those triggers that get us out of balance in our relationship with the Father.

terricheney said...

I've had a terrible week as well. Sharp tongued, prone to whine, argue, hiss and spit, nip at kind words. I finally concluded that a great portion of my trouble is 'too much world' via news/debate/and yes even shared Fb posts. Too much of the world making me long, as Rebecca pointed out for that place that is my home.

I've had to remind myself He hasn't called me home, He's kept me here and here is where I have to minister, find my peace and satisfaction. I soaked myself in good music, read the Good Word, prayed a lot. I'm still struggling, but I'm going to get there yet.

Deanna Rabe - Creekside Cottage Blog said...

I've had a challenging few weeks - He is good, and helping me to fix my eyes on HIM.

I love and appreciate your bless us by helping us in our struggles!