It has been good for me to be alone much of the time this past week and a half. Not only have I been able to slowly re-organize most of the house... room by room... but I've had time to read and think and pray... and listen. Not to mention taking afternoon naps to heal my body.
I thought I'd share some of my ponderings just as they have happened, a little bit over time rather than one huge all-day quiet time as originally planned. I've already written how I knew I needed to stop thinking that the best of life is behind me. I needed new challenges for the upcoming year, those that did not take physical energy or much money.
The first task I wanted to begin was to become a student again. Not as I thought I would... not returning to finish my degree or even become a pastry chef. No, something much simpler. That's where the itty bitty MP3 player comes in...
Stephanie likes to listen to sermons and Bible teaching on her MP3 player. I started praying about doing the same but I couldn't afford one at this time. That's when Christopher reminded me of the ipod Shuffle. When I received a gift card to Wal Mart, I was going to use it to stock the pantry but the more I thought about it... I knew this was the answer to prayer about the MP3. I only had to add a small amount of Christmas money to it (they are not expensive, anyway, but Wal Mart also had them on special) and I was now the proud owner of a Shuffle.
I must admit, I didn't feel well enough to go through the learning process... setting iTunes up and figuring out how it works... until Monday. Since then, I have loved clipping the little guy to my shirt and listening to good teaching while I'm working or lovely music later in the day. It's funny to me how God answers prayer. I was thinking in terms of books and He brought the latest technology... go figure.
I also am on a quest to read the Bible all the way through... a macro view of the Word... a bird's eye view so to speak. I pulled out my old copy of the Living Bible, which is perfect for this.
My next quest... beginning a regular reading program again. That's what I'm going to be pondering over the weekend. I have stacks of books waiting to be read the first time as well as those titles which are begging for another reading.
After that... updating the household organization book. Okay, I should not use the term update... I really mean "finally start the household organization book". I only have a few pages started already.
As I'm putting pen to paper... typing away on the keyboard and seeing my thoughts magically appear on the monitor... I'm listening to Vince Gill sing Go Rest High On that Mountain. Yes, I bring up an extra tab and then listen to my own Play List. It reminds me so much of my sister, Joan. I remember at her funeral, how it was mentioned quite often that she had suffered in her life... she never knew much success except the love of her family. I thought that enough.
But that's why I include that song on my Play List. She died young... at least young to me... not all that much older than I am right now. The doctors can write an illness on her death certificate, that which science can explain. But I know why she died... life is hard and she was a gentle soul. She gave up long before illness left her bedridden.
I understand. I have walked that path. I have awakened in the morning, not knowing if I could meet the circumstances of another day while traveling through trials that took my breath away. But I did and I have. I'm not giving up.
There is still much pondering to do.
Picture: Dragon Tulips; allposters.com