I took a mini-vacation once more (yesterday), hiding amongst the crowd at Einsteins with my copy of Books and Culture (which has become my preferred reading material to keep in the car), sipping Chocolate Macadamia coffee, and savoring the Walnut Strudel. I had parked near a parking garage on campus and since no one was around, I took my shot of insulin before even walking into Einsteins. Such is the life of a diabetic who loves strudel and deep thinking. :)The students are back this week, all 38,000 of them (for there are more than I remembered). While it makes it harder to find a parking space than the last time I wrote about a morning out, the energy that is prevalent makes it worth the walk. I often look up from my reading to do some people watching, the couple near the window who are deep in conversation, the two girls in front of me with a shared laptop working on an Excel spreadsheet and talking statistics, the guy with a Bible behind me, a group of (probably) graduate students at the large table in the back...the life of a University in the Midwest.
I need some "me" time, away from my role of wife and mother, homeschooler, blogger, and all other labels. There was a time I didn't get away as often as I should. I burned out, life wasn't very...alive. I let the challenges of my life paint the picture of the person I'd become. Labels that God didn't give me but I gave myself due to health and economic status changes.
It takes living awhile to look back and see who we really are...accepting His Grace for our lives...realizing if we don't take charge of our days then we will drift through the remainder of our life one unfulfilled day at a time.
I was a slow learner, even though He tried to shake my complacency long before I awoke to the possibilities around me. Why it took so long, I don't know, for the changes I have made are not major. Why I didn't give myself permission to spend a morning on campus once a week, reading, people watching, stopping by the library, doing some "thrift" shopping, getting revitalized before returning home. Not a big change in the long run...
I returned home yesterday ready to tackle foreign languages and housework, cooking and Russian Literature, dishes and reading on the sofa until my eyes would no longer stay open, thinking of the perennials I'd like to plant in our front yard and how to dig up another and transfer it to a much better location...all those day-to-day gotta do's that were so much easier because I gave myself permission to take a break and get refreshed.
4 comments:
It's as if you were talking about me in this post. Oddly enough, I think many of us have felt, at one point or another, that feeling of becoming lost in the shuffle of life. Our duties and long list of "to-do's" overshadow the person we either used to be or were meant to be.
I think it's that tender heart in women that is just so giving to everything and everyone else and before you know it, we've forgotten to give to ourselves. I too was in such a place a time ago, but as you, with much prayer and with the willingness to change my course, I slowly started becoming who I always thought I would be.
I still feel as though there is something "grand" I have yet to accomplish, but I'm not sure what that something is as of yet. I'm not sure why some of us feel that way but I've been told it's part of life. The older we get, the more we want to leave a great mark in the world. I suppose that is only human nature but that's a whole other topic in itself.
I'm glad to hear you've put forth the effort to make simple yet positive changes for yourself because living a more fullfilled life is definitely the way to live a happier life :)
Brenda, I enjoy your posts...you share your insights about life in an honest and thought provoking way. I'm getting to be (am) lazy, no duties outside the home and the days fly by pleasantly with my home duties and pleasures. Relaxed old me! Its great to slow down and enjoy who we are and yet I realize how swiftly life is passing by. Even so, it will be joy beyond compare to go home to God, when he calls. Off to pack hubby's lunch now and try to resist reading another few pages of 'Crime and Punishment'. I'm 'into' the story now...even skipping pages now and then. The print is horribly tiny though in this copy.
Your post really spoke to me! I too went through a time when I didn't carve out any time for myself and consequently went through a dark, depressed period. Like Glamour Mom, I too feel as though there's "something grand" on the horizon for me at this time in my life.
I'm really glad you made time for yourself! It's so important - and it's great how renewed you feel after doing such a little thing for yourself!
Manuela
Isn't it amazing when you stop to think of it? It doesn't take all that much time away to refresh us and get going again.
Post a Comment