Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday Afternoon Tea
I thought of it again last night as I watched the moon rising above the trees in my backyard. My favorite kind of moon... the Harvest Moon.
I tease myself during these times, wondering if there is any subconscious reason I adore full moons... although I know the real reason.
For it is that celestial sign that always shows up at precisely the expected time, its' fullness bringing light to an otherwise dark night.
He speaks to me so often in nature. His Word tells me Mankind can know Him just by looking around and looking... up. As I gazed at the Harvest Moon and watched its' heavenly path, I thought of the word that had been nagging at my mind for weeks... fear.
I hate fear. I despise fearing. Fear is the opposite of faith and I so want to be a person who walks in complete faith and trust of her Savior. But I find the older I get, the more I battle my enemy.
I don't know, perhaps it is because as we grow older we know that bad things do happen to good people? We remember the pain and forget the Grace if we do not take every thought captive.
He has been speaking to me about fear and all the names it goes by in my life... apprehension, tension, dread... that feeling that rises in the pit of my stomach when I face the unknown.
Perfect love casts out fear... that is what He says. Not my perfect love for I can do nothing with complete perfection. But the fact that His love is perfect, I can depend on that. Is this what bothers me the most? Knowing when I fear then I am not trusting His perfect love?
I am not by nature a fearful person. At least that is what I've always told myself. But recently He has been talking to me about fear and how I've covered it up using other names.
He has shown me that quiet fear is no less a lack of faith than one who complains about all that could happen in this fallen world.
Yes, I am guilty of quiet fear. I've realized it as both my doctors tell me I must learn to deal with stress. What they are saying for the most part is... learn to control your fears. But I can't control my fears, I have tried.
We are not built to control our fears. For the harder we try not to fear, the more we think of that which causes the emotions within. It's much like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant with blue polka dots. Where does your mind immediately take you... to the pink elephant section of your thinking.
Instead, what He has been showing me in various ways... in His Word, in nature, even when listening to music which gives Him praise... is that I must take my thoughts off that which brings fear, or stress, or apprehension... and keep my mind on Him.
Years ago in the midst of soul wrenching hurricane force trials, I held on to Him for dear life... literally. Now, in these days when it is the little foxes gnawing at my faith, I need no less to cling to Him.
For years I have been saying what I learned so long ago... Peace is a Person.
I forfeit that peace by letting my mind settle on anything else than the One who can bring that peace. I must remember that every morning for that is the only way to battle fear by any name.