My ponderings this week have been about our recent trip. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to the travel as I do not fair well away from home and out of my daily schedule.
It causes more physical distress to my body than usual but my daughter had done all she could to make it easier for me (including staying at the B&B half way there and back).
Saying yes to travel means getting out of my comfort zone in a big way. I am no longer in control of my environment, or schedule, meals are at strange hours (especially during the long drives in the car) which causes highs and lows in my blood sugar. I also have to stop every two hours or so to leave the car and walk for awhile which adds a couple hours to each day's travel.
Having said all that... I have always been happy I made the effort. I knew it would be wonderful to see my family and their friends, the "other" grandparents, the Clarksons, the gorgeous scenery, and to glean the wisdom of various speakers at the conference. What surprised me was how much I needed to get away each evening to absorb the teaching from the various books I read most evenings.
I have only recently realized I was mad at God. Not the stomp-my-feet anger one can feel in a crisis but a more subtle annoyance about allowing chronic illness and fatigue to overtake day to day living... not to mention all the little foxes of finances, family health, saying goodbye to Sasha, car and household repairs... even the coffeepot breaking! (I mean, really, we do have priorities.) :)
By getting out of my comfort zone, I not only had plenty of time to think (loooong hours of Interstate travel) but being physically removed from my day-to-day life had the same affect mentally as fresh air from an open window brings a new freshness to stale air in one's home.
As I drove the New York Turnpike on cruise control, I pondered the Letters to the Churches in the book of Revelation. Believe it or not, they are one of my favorite sections in all Scripture. I like verses that lay out what makes God happy and what does not. It doesn't get much clearer than these Letters.
I felt like the church which was doing so many things to please God but He had "this against them"... you have lost your first love. Not to mention that whole lukewarm thing. My life has become vanilla, bland, and lukewarm. I'm tired and fatigued and at times... frustrated.
Books.... people... friends... family... faith... house & home... all come together to form who we are and what we do. In the next few weeks I plan to spend time pondering and planning, reading and writing in my scrapbook journal. As I learn... I will share.
So, as the weather has turned cold and the clouds appear to be settling in for winter, I hope to spend more evenings with a scented candle flickering on the coffee table reading carefully chosen books which will teach and inspire, think, ponder, and become renewed.