Monday, November 12, 2007

Taking advantage of computer availability

It's interesting how blog titles become so sensible when one is not at her own computer. I've come to think my true creativity is linked in some way with that mouse. Perhaps it is because laptops make me think of working instead of thinking. Hmmm... that didn't come out right, did it? :)

Christopher's friends picked him up for the "Guy's Monday Night Bible Study" so once the dinner dishes were washed, I just happened to find myself in his room and at his computer. I figure since it took me over a year to recover from his birth, I deserve the use of his laptop. Speaking of his birthday, it is on Thanksgiving this year! I haven't quite figured out how we'll celebrate but this is number 18 and he's been looking forward to it for a very long time.

Remember when I wrote last that I was having "one of those weeks"? Well, just a couple hours after posting, I was putting away one of my big stock pots on the garage shelves when it knocked over a small sack, which fell onto the shelves which I use as my food/grocery pantry and knocked over a bottle of Worcestershire sauce... a glass bottle... onto the cement floor... brown and gooey Worcestershire sauce all over the floor (not to mention glass everywhere) and finding the way to boxes and other "stuff". Never, I repeat... never, say things couldn't get any worse. Especially if you haven't had to clean Worcestershire sauce off of a garage floor. Thankfully my husband keeps plenty of old towels for use at times such as this and he did the initial clean up for me. I went back and swept glass... twice... and threw away everything it made contact with. Yuk...

It is at those times I look up and ask Him just what is it He is mad at me about? Of course, most often He reminds me it is just gravity and a poorly placed bottle and has nothing to do with Him being angry. Still, if you had any idea what this week was like it has me wondering. Sheesh...

So, how did I regain some sanity and peace? I pulled a Scarlett O"Hara and "took to my bed", even we Midwestern women know the wisdom of doing that once in awhile. I spent part of Sunday in my bed with my Bible, a couple really good "teaching' books (Elizabeth George and Nancy Leigh DeMoss), my two favorite devotionals, my notebook/journal, some old Victorias, the new Victoria, and the latest issue of Tea Time, the Joel Rosenberg book I was finishing and his latest book in the series... which I began. I also took a handful of chocolate kisses from the candy dish in the Living Room. I was desperate. I must admit, it felt delicious and decadent (how my daughter would enjoy such a day but with four little children...).

Did it help? Definitely! My entire outlook changed because of my time spent crying out for peace, wisdom, help, sanity in the midst of insane circumstances, forgiveness for others, forgiveness for myself, and the realization that in the long run... only God truly understands. I may get frustrated with humans at times but it is only God who knows the heart and can heal it when it is wounded or breaking. Only the Word could bring me that kind of peace... Then there is the R&R brought by delicious magazines, great books, and chocolate. I didn't even feel like making myself tea but those chocolate kisses were certainly helpful.

Pity parties don't do us any good. For awhile last week, I felt like I didn't have any friends at all. I felt like no one understood the challenges I was facing. I let myself think of all the negatives and how I felt God had let me down as I stomped my feet and told Him that He didn't live up to the bargain. This was not the life I signed up for when I read the Four Spiritual Laws.

However, it was my Best Friend who gave me the idea of a day at my own B&B. I wonder if it was His idea for the car to break down Saturday morning and me have to stay at home... quiet and still... continuing through today? Perhaps it was His blessing rather than another crisis. I remember one of Ruth Graham's children writing that Jesus was truly her mother's best friend. He truly met me when I needed Him the most.

This morning, we all slept in (since the car is still in the shop). About mid-morning, my son knocked on my bedroom door and asked what I was doing. I told him I was having a quiet time so I could be sweet and nice. He told me not to stop what I was doing. Hmmm... I think he's figuring it out, the more time I spent with my Best Friend, the better Mom he has.

I'm sorry I can't share too much, it has a lot to do with my husband's illness and how others relate to it (and don't understand). Add to that multiple items breaking down, my son going through his own trials right now, and the sinus headaches from the change of seasons... sigh. God is good my friends. No matter what our circumstances... even when we store our condiments too close to the edge of the shelf. :)

8 comments:

martha said...

Thank you, thank you.

Becky K. said...

We don't have to know the details to hear your heart. It is beautiful to recognize that the Lord is an active ingredient in our lives...not distant and uncaring, isn't it?
Your day in your own B&B sounds like just the perfect thing.
May God richly bless you and your husband and may HE be near to you when you need Him most.
Becky K.

Dinah Soar said...

So sorry you're having a rough time...in the tough times I'll think to myself "I know God doesn't hate me (He loves me) but it sure does feel like it"...and I'll get to thinking, "God, how many times/ways must I show you that I trust you?"...and I come to the end of myself and tie a knot and hang on...and just as Oslwald Chambers said...it is only when we come to the end of our own self-sufficiency that He can begin to work...I thought I was there, I thought I'd come to the end of myself...but evidently not...

It's like I keep trying to do the brave thing, keep on keeping on, soldiering on so to speak....and only when I "throw it in" as in giving up, crying "Uncle" do I find the balm in Gilead...

We are often the bravest when we retreat to our bed and The Book. He meets us there and ministers to us.

DebD said...

(((hugs)))) to you Brenda. I also tend to feel very alone when trials beset me. I will pray for you and whatever it is that got your son to call you out of quiet time. But, please don't ever think its because God is mad at you! Look at Jesus and His trials and Job and the troubles that came to him.

p.s. my son turns 18 Thanksgiving Weekend (25th) too.

Haus Frau said...

Precious lady, please know you're prayed over, thought of often and held close to the hardts of many. <>< (((hug)))

Heather L. said...

Dear Brenda, it was so good to hear from you and it again brought encouragement to me in my struggles.
We (mostly my husband) are ministering to a young man suffering in the same sort of way as your husband, so we understand just a glimpse of what goes on, and from my own issues, the loneliness of others not understanding or misunderstanding.

Thanksgiving week is a big week in our family too -- my sister's anniversary is the 20th, my daughter's birthday is the 21st, and my parents anniversary is the 22nd. not to mention the friends we always have Thanksgiving with, her birthday is the 24th. So, Thanksgiving is always a party. :) Two weeks later I'm hitting the big 30! (I'm sure that sounds so very young, but right now it feels old).

Thanks for the blessing of fellowship together in trials. I will go now and look to the Lord for strength for today.

Adrienne said...

Yes, dear one - God is good, all the time! Even when it seems the world around us is falling apart. He is still there - faithful and loving us. I wish I could be close and give you a big hug and then have a cup of tea with you. You were wise to take to your bed and have some quiet time. ~Adrienne~

Theresa said...

You are so transparently honest, and it is so very refreshing! What a blessing to read your blog...Theresa