I think it is ironic (or not...) that this "heart problem" possibility with Christopher happened when I've been pondering the need to be in control recently. It has been on my mind quite often, especially when I'm washing dishes (which can be my time of deepest thinking!).I have known people who definitely possess controlling personalities. They are always stressed because they are not only living their own life, for which God gives them the grace to live every morning...they also feel the need to help other people live their lives. No one can be at peace when they carry the responsibility for more than their own path in this life.
Most of the these people I have known (and loved) were not bad people, although I can think of one or two whose attempts to manipulate circumstances caused great grief to themselves and others. No...quite often the need to be in complete control was simply caused by a base of fear. My mother was like that at times, most likely because of some really bad things happening to a very good person throughout her life. She came to a place where her mind was always straying to the worse possible scenario of each situation.
It is not in my nature to be a controlling person, if anything I have been blessed with the ability to "let it go". It is the only way I can handle living with someone who has emotional as well as physical disabilities. Not that I do it well each day. No...there is often the need to get away for awhile, take deep breaths, pray a lot, or find my way to the rocking chair on the porch (or my deck now that I have a table and chairs!). I am always having to tell my son...let it go...I mean, really...let it go. Don't let anger and frustration take root for it is much easier to pull those little weeds than to have to dig them out later when they have taken a strangle hold.
The realization that I, too, had a need to control circumstances came about when I found myself exhausted more than usual one evening. As I thought about it, I realized I had taken on more than I had to that day because I felt the need to drive my son to various activities... only because we were experiencing heavy rain. I was fearful that he would have an accident so I wanted to be in control of the driving that day. Oh, ye of little faith!
How much easier it would have been to pray for his safety and let him take the car. The need to be in control added an unnecessary burden to my already busy schedule and caused those things that are my responsibility to be late (as in cooking and laundry). I was reminded of the verse of this famous hymn...
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!*
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!*
So...I had already done some pondering about this very thing when the doctor's report came in...a possibility of something very serious to consider. Thankfully, after the initial shock and a good cry, I was able to stay calm (with the help of a lot of prayers, I'm sure). Christopher and I chatted about it a lot and we both knew God was in control.
There have been instances when the news was not so good and God has given the grace to handle each situation. This time there was great rejoicing as the burden was lifted. Was it a test from above or just life being lived in a fallen world? Hmmm...I haven't a clue. I guess it really doesn't matter in the long run because each day we have a choice if we are going to put our life in His hands and walk in trust or not.
*What a Friend We Have in Jesus by Joseph Scriven, 1820-1886
8 comments:
Thank you, Brenda. I constantly have to "let go" and stop trying to take control. Who are we fooling? Just ourselves! Several years ago at a women's conference the speaker repeatedly said, "God is the Blessed Controller of all things!" The the end of the weekend she had us all repeating it with her. I have to be reminded - much too often - Who is really in control and take it to Him in prayer, as that wonderful old song reminds us.
I continue to pray for Christopher and for you.
"Was it a test from above or just life being lived in a fallen world? Hmmm...I haven't a clue."
Nor do I have the answer, Dear. Who can? :-)
But just for no reason at all ~ may I through in my view? How I see things all the time. And even at times of great sorrow and trial.
I look on all of life, as simply life. Random fate which happens, in a world that to me, isn't fallen. And isn't purrrrrrrfection, either.
The world I live in, is just the world. The way it is. A mess and perfect, all at the same time. :-)
With no reasons for anything given. And none expected or sought. It's quite relaxing actually. :-)
But then, as said, it's just my view. Each one of us, has our own view.
Mari-Nanci
MN...yes, my friend. We will always disagree on the subject of "the Faith". :)
Adrienne, I love that quote that "God is the Blessed Controller of all things!"
This is so good! I especially love what you said about control often being based on fear. Come to think of it, some of the most controlling people I know are also some of the most fearful. Having struggled for many years with debilitating fear, and broken free from most of it with God's help, I long to see others free as well. You have such a sweet blog. Thanks for sharing.
I think fear and needing to be in control go hand in hand sometimes. At least they have in my life. God is faithful and merciful though and allows me to see that if I just give it to Him He is in control anyway and He makes no mistakes. That is a precious hymn and very dear to me. I had a sweet aunt who was a lovely example of godliness to me and she just loved that song and lived it too.
When we went on vacation to Canada some years ago, we stayed in a cottage on Rice Lake and visited Joseph Scriven's burial place.
"No one can be at peace when they carry the responsibility for more than their own path in this life." What wise words and just those I needed to hear today. This is something I really must work on constantly. I am such the "caretaker" that sometimes it can be damaging not only to those I care for but also for myself.
I am a worry wart and my husband always has to remind me that worrying will never change the outcome of any situation. I then have to remind myself that prayer can change the present for me in each situation.
I have such a hard time with trust. For me this is the crux of the matter if you will. Thank you for a gentle reminder to "put our/my life in his hands" and trust!
Continuing to pray for Christopher and your family.
P.S. Thnak you so much for visiting my own blog and leaving a note there.
Oh my, yes... The older my daughter got, the harder this lesson became for me until I *finally*, over time, let her go and grow up. And too, as my favorite teacher says, "People who can't just mind their own business, will always be miserable." I had to mull that over for a few months, but eventually I got it. :) Thanks for sharing a great post! Blessings, Debra
First of all, I want to thank you for your prayers Brenda. I am so very grateful.
This post spoke directly to my heart. The Lord has taken me through circumstances in the last few years where He has had to just literally rip control out of my hands. You put it all so well.
The ironic thing is all the worrying in the world, all the manipulating to make things better simply doesn't work. He is calling out to me to love Him enough to trust Him. I am a slow learner - but I am learning.
I really appreciated this insightful post.
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