Something happened this past Sunday that made me realize I continue to have a lot of maturing ahead. I was having a difficult time getting ready for church and all I wanted to do was stay at home and rest. After about thirty minutes of mentally arguing with myself (aren't you glad I don't argue with myself out loud?), it came to me that nowhere in this self-discussion did I even think of worshipping the Lord. Nope...nodda...not once did I think of what Sunday morning is all about. Instead I was thinking..."What would people say if I didn't show up? After all, I've missed so much lately".
I thought my people pleasing days were behind me. To be honest, I didn't have that problem in my former corporate life. I guess it's because there, when people would say something against me, I could hide behind a title or job description and not take it personally. However, I've also been on staff in a couple of churches and I tell ya...they will tear you apart. I would walk on eggshells to try to please everyone and then be surprised when there was someone who still found fault. In our family, my husband and I went out of our way to make decisions we thought would please others...and they rarely did, anyway.
I tried to develop a thick skin over the years and I thought I had...until Sunday.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are times we do need to care what others think. For instance, is the way we dress honoring God? Is our talk edifying to others? Does our lifestyle indicate the presence of Christ in our life?...in our home? We do need to ponder such questions.
But when I'm wondering if I should stay at home when I'm not feeling well because of what another person may say (and to tell you the truth, I don't know of anyone in my church that would say anything!)...there is a lot more growing spiritually needed in this area.
I must answer only to God and my husband about decisions made. I'll even give my children the benefit of the doubt and ask their advice on serious decisions because I like them, admire them, and when you think of it...I trained them! I'll seek counsel from my pastor as well as friends whom I know will be honest with me...when I need such input.
But to argue with myself if I should stay home when I'm sick because of what "people" might think? Sheesh, Brenda...what were you thinking?