To thine own self be true

My son and I have had a few heart to heart talks again recently. He continues to find himself "different" than so many of his friends. Many of the Christian homeschoolers he has known are rebelling in various ways (especially the use of vulgar language among the boys when adults are not around). His childhood friends are all in their senior year at the public high school and making preparations for colleges, especially hoping to get into Ivy League schools. Most of them could attend the college close to us for a fraction of the cost because one or both parents work at the university. Even though it is a world class university (and always ranks among the top three or four in the number of international students coming to our country to study there), they want to get away from home.

To make matters more frustrating for him, all of his public school friends from childhood excel in math and science in a high school where these subjects are king. He has continued to try to be like them, taking advanced math courses and working 80% of his school time trying to make a great math grade. He's doing so by spending hours with tutors at the junior college and studying at home, his other courses taking a back seat and making himself miserable all because they consider him stupid if he does not excel in these areas.

So...yesterday afternoon in the car (automobiles are great for such talks with teenagers as they don't have to look at you when discussing serious issues), we once again talked about the choices he has been making and why he made them. I asked him what it would be like if J. (his brother-in-law who is a professor of statistics) tried to major in English, which brought a smile to his face. He said it would be like his father majoring in public speaking. My husband is not the world's best communicator. Then I gave him the only advice I could think of but I do believe it was God inspired...be the person God created you, not the person friends are trying to mold you into. I told him if he was miserable because he was trying to be what others want him to be, then he deserves to be unhappy. By this time, we were pulling into the super store where we needed to purchase cat food, milk and drop off film for processing but he nodded in agreement. I think he "got it" but I will be reinforcing the message in the weeks and months to come.

How often I've found myself at the same place as a literary person in my family. Even if you don't consider the major difference of being a Christian among nonbelievers; just being a person who finds solice, comfort and joy in the written word has set me apart from my family. Our choice of denomination separated us from my in-laws, which is very sad. Moving around a lot to follow my husband's career often made us the new kids on the block, which is why when it became apparent he could no longer work full time, I wanted to go back home. I love the church I attend but, due to circumstances at the moment, I can't be as active in it as I would like so I often feel a little left out there.

So often in life have I felt...not quite in the main stream of things. The Word does say we are strangers and pilgrims in this life. Sometimes I wonder if it is our finiteness that makes us feel this way. Even surrounded by a loving family and close friendships, we are still alone within ourselves. We struggle with our thoughts and our emotions and even those closest to us cannot understand at times what we are going through. I expect that is why I feel complete only when I've taken the time to fellowship with the One who created me, who has walked on this earth as both God and Man. He is the only Person in the universe who can honestly understand and help me to continue on in the path He has set out before me. I hope I can get this through to my son.

Perhaps none of us truly outgrow the adolescent tendency to want to be like those around us, to seek the recognition and respect of others even if it means we are not true to ourselves. It comes out in so many ways as we say, "I am just a mom" or "I'm a homemaker but I did go to college and I was in a corporation and...". How many men try to compete with others by the car they drive or working long hours in a job they dislike to get the "atta boy" on the next performance appraisal? We all do it in one way or another.

These ponderings made me decide it was time to get into a "deeper book", one I have wanted to read for awhile. Who better than the Puritans in general and Jeremiah Burroughs in particular to lead me into still waters? So, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment is my quiet time/devotional reading for awhile. I'm hoping to find it...contentment that is...content in the way God made me as I'm becoming more the person He desires each day.